About me

I guess that since I didn't tell you about me before the first appointment post, I should tell you now.
I am 62 (very darn close to 63) and so much more than morbidly obese. I am a fat person in a thin person's world.
I know where this came from and I know why I gained it. I am a very passive aggressive person and I did it out of spite. Do you know here that gets you? It gets you nowhere other than fat, out of shape, and hating yourself. It hurts no one but you. I was hurt and angry and I wanted to get even. Well, I never got even and I got big, bigger, biggest. Now the only reason I am nearly healthy at all is because my doctor has all the right meds for me. My joints are painful and my muscles hurt. I can't get around like I always did and traveling with my husband is not nearly as much fun as it used to be because I cannot go everywhere he goes and I cannot move and last as long as he does. He has to go down into the volcanoes alone because I can walk down in, but cannot walk back out without getting breathless. It's just not as good as it once was. I know that it is disappointing to my husband.

I hate getting on airplanes and asking for an extender belt. I hate taking up more room than I should and keeping my arms crossed for hours on the plane so I appear to be taking up less room. I hate walking on my toes to make less noise walking. I ant to seem to be light on my feet. There are so many things to think about when you are fat. Will that chair hold me? Will I fit on that ride? Will they laugh and stare at me in a bathing suit? (Absolutely!) Do I embarrass my grandchildren when they have to introduce me as their grandmother? Are my other loved ones embarrassed? Will any nice clothes fit me? Can I still look good in nice clothes, even though they are HUGE? There really is so mich to think about. So many.

Fat people (and I use that word because that is what I am, I am not heavy or plump, I am fat, so I must deal with it) are easily offended and get their feelings hurt. Every slight seems to be because of our weight to us. Sometimes it is paranoia, but usually it is quite likely the reason for those slights. When we eat, people look at our plates to see if we are showing why we are so fat or if we are trying to behave in public.

When I first called to be put on the list for the lapband, I thought I would get my paperwork package in a day or two because, of course, I had made up my mind and I was ready to do what I had to do. It took a week. I thought, they don't really want me in the program. Don't they know I have to get in there while my self esteem is up and I am ready to do this? Don't they know that the slightest delay and I might change my mind again because they don't like me? Don't they know that I know they think I am lazy and disgusting? You see, that is how things are with fat people! Honestly! We take it all personally. It is the low self esteem thing.

Now I am learning that I am worth the work and effort to get well and well means losing weight.

I am a very sedentary person. I am trying now to get some movement into my life. I am getting a pedometer tomorrow and signing up for a class being offered by physical therapists who have set up specific training for bariatric pre and post patients. That should be a good start for me. Then into swimming and pool walking. I am psyched!!!

By the way, my weight won't be posted right away. I will post pounds lost though. Suffice it to say that I have to lose over half of my total body weight.

Wish me luck!